I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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