she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
