shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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