Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Drake has all the answers
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
