You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
