Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
