You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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