Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You made out with two different species that night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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