I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
