dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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