Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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