if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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