And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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