when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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