A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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