don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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