u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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