Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize