Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
