This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
