we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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