Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
