dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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