I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you guys were way drunker than both of me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
