Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
