I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
