We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
