I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
