Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
do herpes really smell.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
