How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
