are you still at the devil's house?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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