You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize