There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you will always have a special place in my vag
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Randomize
