Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
and she was petting her beer can
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
