I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im calling her cock vulture from now on
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
