OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
