Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize