do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
