Why are handjobs necessary in class?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
MIDGETS
????
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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