I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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