That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
