I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
