oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
