Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize