I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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