I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize