____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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