how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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