Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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