sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
