so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
