I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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