i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
