I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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