she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
