Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Damn victory sex feels great
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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