Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
