I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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