He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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