sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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