Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
