You smell like a Billy Joel song
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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