I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
