i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
